I recently finished the book Downsizing the Family Home by Marni Jameson. I've seen this AARP publication advertised in the bulletin and the magazine; I checked my public library, and it was available.
"I wanted to be respectful of my parents' belongings, honor their lives, be a good steward of their assets, and preserve their past and mine. I didn't want to be weighed down by more stuff ..." she writes. She had recently divorced, moved from a very large home in Colorado to a small rental in Florida and had no room for more stuff.
Ms. Jameson found herself in a difficult situation of needing to clear out her parents' house of 50 years and ready it for sale in 9 days. That is all the time she could take away from her job and her daughter. She lived across the country from this house. She had the advantage as a syndicated columnist of lifestyle and home life to know experts she could tap into for advice. She shares this advice and what she learned thru her hands-on experience.
Her mother was experiencing short-term memory loss and her father was failing physically from lung damage. The father had drafted his son's help in visiting potential assisted living communities and finally decided on one. The wife who didn't like change kept saying we don't need to move. Actually, they cut it pretty close as in less than 6 months from the clearing out and sale of the house the father died. The funds from the sale of the house gave her father comfort that his wife would have what she needed to remain in a safe environment.
Since Ms. Jameson's father initiated the move and her brother helped select furnishings and household goods for the new apartment, the early stages of the process went fairly smoothly. Her mother had been taken several times to the new residence, but on the day of the move, she stopped at the threshold of her new apartment, clenched her fists, and loudly declared "No, no, no!"
As the book points out in chapter one deciding the timing of the move to assisted living is tricky. If the person(s) need this kind of residence but balk, it makes it harder. Sometimes an intervention must take place. Fortunately, Ms. Jameson had the cooperation of half the couple (her father). Once the clearing out of the house started, her mother knew she could not return.
Because of her contacts, the author was able to identify and set aside potentially valuable items from all the other stuff. She then held an estate sale with her brother and sister-in-law helping, but still had lots of things to dispose of. She had when sorting boxed up the hard-to-decide items and put them in the garage so the house could be painted. But as you might guess, these items were photographs, memorabilia, keepsakes, documents, some jewelry. She did finally ship a painting and her mother's china to Florida using a professional shipping company to pack the items, but of course this is prohibitively expensive for most items and for most people. When the house sold quickly, her brother stored these boxes for future perusal.
Though she loved her parents immensely, the emotional and physical toll of clearing out this house with all of its childhood memories was overwhelming. The answer is for the parents to make a real effort as they get older of divesting themselves of things. Hers did not. (My mother did not.) The author tries to persuade all of us to be kind to our family by not leaving such a mess. Given that this ideal does not exist for most of us, and we get stuck with handling all of our parents' stuff, her advice is practical. What services children use will depend on their own financial means, time available, and physical stamina, but at least they will know the options after reading the book.
I do not have children thus it will be my spouse or family member or friend who has to step up to the task. I continue to pare down some so that whoever gets the responsibility will have it easier. Probably my husband and I will downsize from our condo to an apartment and get rid of more items at that time. Moving certainly does help winnow stuff.
The book motivated me to continue with the KonMari method I had started. I finished the clothing and books several months ago but I got bogged down in the paper category. This past week I made progress in the file cabinet drawers so the light in the tunnel appeared. However, a subcategory of paper would be all of the magazine clippings of recipes sitting in a storage box under my bed. I had "indexed" them at one time, listing the recipes on a page for each plastic archival envelope. I am trying to decide whether to make any effort in scanning thru them or just junk the whole mess. When I first clipped them, I would make an effort to cook/fix at least half a dozen recipes per year. That died before I even got to Indiana.
Because light rain was predicted for last night and today, I scurried to my neighbor's tree yesterday afternoon to gather pinecones. I wish I had taken a bag, but I carried 10 cones home. They had a little sticky pitch that stuck to my fingers. I may only keep them for one season, then throw them out. I should heed the advice of the book I just read. I put them in my woven pine needle basket from the Ozarks which I love and will keep as long as I can.
"I wanted to be respectful of my parents' belongings, honor their lives, be a good steward of their assets, and preserve their past and mine. I didn't want to be weighed down by more stuff ..." she writes. She had recently divorced, moved from a very large home in Colorado to a small rental in Florida and had no room for more stuff.
Ms. Jameson found herself in a difficult situation of needing to clear out her parents' house of 50 years and ready it for sale in 9 days. That is all the time she could take away from her job and her daughter. She lived across the country from this house. She had the advantage as a syndicated columnist of lifestyle and home life to know experts she could tap into for advice. She shares this advice and what she learned thru her hands-on experience.
Her mother was experiencing short-term memory loss and her father was failing physically from lung damage. The father had drafted his son's help in visiting potential assisted living communities and finally decided on one. The wife who didn't like change kept saying we don't need to move. Actually, they cut it pretty close as in less than 6 months from the clearing out and sale of the house the father died. The funds from the sale of the house gave her father comfort that his wife would have what she needed to remain in a safe environment.
Since Ms. Jameson's father initiated the move and her brother helped select furnishings and household goods for the new apartment, the early stages of the process went fairly smoothly. Her mother had been taken several times to the new residence, but on the day of the move, she stopped at the threshold of her new apartment, clenched her fists, and loudly declared "No, no, no!"
As the book points out in chapter one deciding the timing of the move to assisted living is tricky. If the person(s) need this kind of residence but balk, it makes it harder. Sometimes an intervention must take place. Fortunately, Ms. Jameson had the cooperation of half the couple (her father). Once the clearing out of the house started, her mother knew she could not return.
Because of her contacts, the author was able to identify and set aside potentially valuable items from all the other stuff. She then held an estate sale with her brother and sister-in-law helping, but still had lots of things to dispose of. She had when sorting boxed up the hard-to-decide items and put them in the garage so the house could be painted. But as you might guess, these items were photographs, memorabilia, keepsakes, documents, some jewelry. She did finally ship a painting and her mother's china to Florida using a professional shipping company to pack the items, but of course this is prohibitively expensive for most items and for most people. When the house sold quickly, her brother stored these boxes for future perusal.
Though she loved her parents immensely, the emotional and physical toll of clearing out this house with all of its childhood memories was overwhelming. The answer is for the parents to make a real effort as they get older of divesting themselves of things. Hers did not. (My mother did not.) The author tries to persuade all of us to be kind to our family by not leaving such a mess. Given that this ideal does not exist for most of us, and we get stuck with handling all of our parents' stuff, her advice is practical. What services children use will depend on their own financial means, time available, and physical stamina, but at least they will know the options after reading the book.
I do not have children thus it will be my spouse or family member or friend who has to step up to the task. I continue to pare down some so that whoever gets the responsibility will have it easier. Probably my husband and I will downsize from our condo to an apartment and get rid of more items at that time. Moving certainly does help winnow stuff.
The book motivated me to continue with the KonMari method I had started. I finished the clothing and books several months ago but I got bogged down in the paper category. This past week I made progress in the file cabinet drawers so the light in the tunnel appeared. However, a subcategory of paper would be all of the magazine clippings of recipes sitting in a storage box under my bed. I had "indexed" them at one time, listing the recipes on a page for each plastic archival envelope. I am trying to decide whether to make any effort in scanning thru them or just junk the whole mess. When I first clipped them, I would make an effort to cook/fix at least half a dozen recipes per year. That died before I even got to Indiana.
Because light rain was predicted for last night and today, I scurried to my neighbor's tree yesterday afternoon to gather pinecones. I wish I had taken a bag, but I carried 10 cones home. They had a little sticky pitch that stuck to my fingers. I may only keep them for one season, then throw them out. I should heed the advice of the book I just read. I put them in my woven pine needle basket from the Ozarks which I love and will keep as long as I can.
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