Beyond Happier At Home

I want to re-read Gretchen Rubin’s Happier at Home before sharing any thoughts, but that has been postponed a bit as I am reading some of the books she references.

Snoop : What Your Stuff Says About You by Sam Gosling might fall into the pop psychology area, but he does have good credentials and cites other research projects. His thesis that “when it comes to the most essential components of our personality, the things we own and the way we arrange them can say more about who we are than even our most intimate conversations” may be true, but he fails to make a convincing case. He promises to show us “which of your tastes and habits provide particularly useful portals into your personality”, but while he discloses some interesting tidbits, he brings in studies and experiments that seem to weaken that claim. Even with the more concrete suggestions, he keeps making exceptions to the supposed correlations between traits and the environments we create for ourselves. Some correlations we make intuitively have been proven incorrect by studies; yet, Gosling’s guidelines are also shaky.

Where the book is helpful is not in learning how to snoop, but in explaining the dimensions of personality and the facets of each trait. When we understand that certain facets go together, we understand each other better. Gosling uses and defines the Big 5.               
1) Openness to new experiences 2) Conscientiousness 3) Extraversion 4) Agreeableness 5) Neuroticism  (OCEAN)

He cites and gives an example of Dr. John Johnson’s evaluative personality tool. You can utilize the full inventory to recognize your own traits by clicking on the link. Not too many surprises for me when I did the online inventory. I would suggest you do it when you are relaxed and rested and in a good mood. I was tired and feeling a bit down; I suspect that influenced where on the scale of answers I put myself. Still, there were mostly differences of degree not substance. I had one facet that I totally disagree with the results, however. Because we often perceive our ideal self (how we want to be seen) rather than our true self, Johnson suggests asking people that we know well and trust if we exhibit the trait or facet in question.

Gosling almost undermines his thesis by suggesting that we move beyond traits to discover the goals and needs, hopes and values, and perceptions of self that make up the personal story of individuals. In fact, at one point he discusses using the “stuff” clues to engage a person in sharing their story. That’s not snooping; that’s how people get to know and understand each other. Nothing sneaky about launching questions and conversations about items a person owns.

Gosling also describes Dan McAdams’ work The Stories We Live By : Personal Myths and the Making of the Self to help us understand how we form a personal identity. McAdams defines identity as “the inner story of the self that integrates the reconstructed past, perceived present, and anticipated future to provide life with unity, purpose, and meaning”. It is the narrative you tell about yourself to make sense out of what has happened in the past and the kind of person you are now.

The issue Gosling presents is that whether we choose to project or protect our inner selves, the environments we create in the spaces that we inhabit (especially private space such as a bedroom vs public space such as a living room) reveal much about us, maybe even more than we intend to reveal. Where he fails is to strongly explain just what our stuff says. There is no explicit list of correlation to guide us except perhaps for the traits of conscientiousness and openness. Gosling cites a study that demonstrates that most people want their true identity known, at least as they enter deeper levels of intimacy. Clues to differentiate the person from the persona only go so far. Let’s talk.